Gobbler, the Spirit of Vengeance

Bench Racing

by Ryan King

Ah, Thanksgiving, our yearly ritual animal sacrifice – and the consumption of its flesh.

I bet by now turkey's are like "fuck you, why couldn't you have eaten a quail or something when you got here?"

I know I would certainly say something like that, right before I took out the kneecaps of the bastard that came for me – and was subsequently blasted into a pile of feathers.

There is another, much more modern ritual that accompanies turkey murdering this time of year, Black Friday. The day, we as humans, embrace our baser animal instincts (I'm assuming this comes from receiving the Spirit of Gobbler, the Vengeful Turkey) to assault one another in department stores as we prepare to celebrate a time of peace and giving.

If that isn't screwed up, I don't know what is. Wait, I do, but there is a point to this post and I must get to it:

A new tradition.

On the Friday following Animal Sacrifice Thursday, I suggest we retire to our shops to celebrate the annual "I Have a Day Off and I'm Gonna Work on My Project Day" – otherwise shortened to "Project Day." I also suggest that for most of the country, one of the preparations for Project Day is to install heating for the shop.

As a way to celebrate, you might consider planning a day of work that you can get done within that day, or maybe during the extended weekend, if you are able to allot that much time to your celebration (hell, if you have the freedom, go at it all four days). You might also consider it a sort of kick-off day for a much longer project that extends for months, a year, or even multiple years.

I know it might sound selfish to some people to retreat to your special place as we start off the season of caring, but it sure sounds a lot more pleasant, considerate, and sane than waking up at four in the morning to go stand out in front of a department store in the freezing cold, waiting to brow beat your fellow (wo)man over a plushy toy.

Maybe that's just me.

Ryan